How With Heart Began.

A couple of years ago I had the opportunity to go live and teach in Mexico for one school year. My experience there is an entirely different story in itself, but let’s just say that time was the most transformative of my life. That season was a great adventure, but it was also incredibly lonely. While there, I started reading the bible consistently for the first time in my life. Partly to combat the loneliness, partly because I was tired of “losing” apologetic discussions with my Protestant brothers and sisters because they could quote scripture left and right and I could barely name 20 books in the whole bible, and partly because I was sick of perpetuating the stereotype that “Catholics don’t read their bible” as a 22 year old cradle Catholic who, well…didn’t read her bible.

At the time I was struggling with what I perceived to be rigid religiosity in my Catholic Faith. I was frustrated with the disconnect between my actions and who I was doing them for. I also think a lot of Catholic’s get stuck in this position as well and this is where we can see “church hurt” take place because we are encountering people with the practices of the gospel but not with a heart for the Gospel. I digress. Hungry to reconcile both my desire for a deeper personal relationship, and to find even more beauty in the religious practices I was already doing, I sought answers and consolation where they are rooted. The Bible is intimidating to say the least, especially if you’ve never truly read it before. I knew that the Mass and everything we do as Catholics is Biblical, and that even without knowing it, by participating in these practices I have “read the bible”, but I felt a call to pick up the actual book because there is merit in holding God’s word in your hand and reading straight from it instead of relying on other resources to that put it all together in a bundle for you like an app, podcast, or monthly booklet (which are also good and beautiful in their own way, please do not get me wrong). I am saying I think it is also necessary to create a place for God’s word outside of these things, like in the mundane moments of everyday life.

I admire the the passion that our Protestant brothers and sisters have for memorizing scripture, and to be completely honest I do think Catholics could learn a thing or two from it. The stereotype that Catholic’s don’t read their bible didn’t come out of nowhere. And it’s not that Catholics actually don’t read their bible, like I’ve already stated, we know that everything we do is based in scripture and tradition, but where I think the stereotype comes from is that we don’t necessarily memorize the bible the way we see evangelical christians do. And I’m not talking about the calls and responses, or the prayers that we have memorized that are recitations of scripture within the Mass or liturgy of the hours- times set aside for to be sacred, but I am talking about reciting relevant verses in the seemingly unholy moments. You’re struggling with honoring God with your budget distracted by cute clothes while you’re at the store? “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” (Psalm 23:1). Your child is throwing themselves on the floor in a fit of rage for the tenth time today and all you want to do is scream back at them? “The ill-tempered stir up strife, but the patient settle disputes” (Proverbs 15:18). Or maybe you’re looking in the mirror each day desperately seeking to find beauty in a face you don’t like. “You are all together beautiful, my darling, there is no flaw within you” (Song of Songs 4:7). These are the moments we are also called to make holy, sacred. It’s in these moments we need to recite scripture the most. Scripture is beautifully embroidered within the entire Mass, but as Catholics we are called to bring the sanctity of Mass within our hearts in order to transform our lives. We can start by memorizing scripture to speak over ourselves and others.

With all this in mind I went into the Bible not knowing where to begin. I needed help. But out of pride, I didn’t want the help of some 90 day bible plan, or some generic study on one of the Gospels. Selfishly I wanted something tailored to my heart that could untangle the emotions and burdens I was carrying in a way that redirected them to the Lord. I asked my spiritual director for advice, and He told me to start by finding the verses that I could return to over and over again without ever growing tired of reading them. By doing so, God’s grace and inspiration spoke through the scriptures and God let me recognize in myself the areas where I was believing lies from the devil or walking in insecurities instead of taking those thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). This is where scripture memorization came in. Because I could see themes of insecurity planted by satan, I could have a starting point of the truths I needed to search for in the Bible to memorize and reverse those lies. For example, a HUGE one I struggled with, and still do every now and then is that I am “too much” or that I am just annoying to be around. But God’s word says that He delights in me! (Zephaniah 3:17) So in moments of insecurity, I can repeat to myself the truth that the Lord delights in me, so who cares if I’m not so-and-so’s favorite person.

Okay geez, I’m a yapper (thank goodness I have a blog to take care of that haha). What does all of this have to do with With Heart? Well in the midst of all my searching for the right resources and encouragement of beginning my bible reading and memorizing journey, I cried out to the Lord asking why the heck no one had made the type of resource or page I was looking for. In that instant I perceived the Lord say to me, “Because I’d like it to be you.” …Excuse me, come again? That was over a year ago that was spoken to me, and in that time I have dealt with a lot of procrastination and reluctance by my own doing of stepping into this call from the Lord. But through prayer and speaking truths of scripture over myself the Lord has shifted the perspective from one of fear to one of praise. Instead of praying to the Lord “Jesus, I don’t know how the heck you want me to do this or even where to begin, I’m not equipped blah blah blah” I am able to praise Him by saying “Lord everyday, I have asked you what you would have me do with my life, and though I don’t know what will come of it or how you will equip me, I thank you for giving me a clear next step and calling to glorify you through this Blog.”

That is where With Heart comes in. This is a space where we can cultivate a community of encouragement and where you can hopefully be inspired to live biblically through my sharing of stories and practical steps of how I am trying to do so within my own life.

Knowing God’s Word is changing everything. And God has only just begun to renew and transform my heart. My hope is that, while you are welcomed into this Blog as you are, you don’t leave as you are. I hope you leave here a bit more inspired, a bit more encouraged, but overall a bit more convicted, not by my words, but from the straight up living word of GOD to live better, holier, and with heart.

With Heart, Ellie