Sometimes I wish I had it harder…
I am hesitant to say that in fear of getting struck down by the Lord in response. Kind of like when you pray for patience and then the next day it seems like it’s everybody’s first day on earth except yours. It’s not that I wish I had it harder right now, sometimes I wish I had had it harder because for whatever reason, I associate that with a more impactful testimony and therefore greater glory for God. I have found myself thinking about testimonies and the powerful differences each one carries. You hear the stories of people getting saved from the pits of hell, or delivered from witchcraft or sexual sin and when I hear those stories all I can think is praise Jesus, look at what the Lord can do. However, it’s easy to allow ourselves to fall into the temptation of comparison when we see these testimonies saturating our podcast platforms and instagram feeds. What I’ve been praying on this week has really been the power of all testimonies. The majority of us have pretty “generic” testimonies. I dare say most of them go something like this…person is born into a Christian/somewhat Christian household and is raised going to church at least every once and a while, person falls away in high school or college, person rediscovers the faith into early adulthood and lives happily ever after with Jesus in their life. Of course there are some major plot points thrown in there, such as an irreplaceable mentor, or a moment when they are convicted by the spirit, and I am not saying this is everyone, but this seems to be the trend in the people I have encountered-maybe I’m just sheltered. If you’re anything like me your testimony looks an awful lot like that too. I was born and raised Catholic. I was fortunate to be raised by and taught church teaching. I took my parents faith as my own and strived to live each day for Christ by the time I was 14. I found that the Lord and I loved intimacy together in an hour of adoration. There was no thunder strike moment. There was no last minute deliverance. There was no huge 180 in my lifestyle. Instead, He has been a constant presence (Psalm 46:2), a steadfast lover (1 Chronicles 16:34), and a generous peacemaker (John 14:27). He has never failed me, yet it is my human nature to believe that I could love Him better-as in glorify Him more-if there was a greater redemption arch in my life, if there had been that thunder strike moment. But I am reminded that the everyones redemption arch is just as wide as the wing span of His arms stretched out and nailed to the cross. Though every testimony of how we started living in the freedom of redemption is different, how we each received that redemption is the same because it only happened once on calvary.
I think the differences of testimonies are so beautiful. Because when I hear these outrageous Saul to Paul stories of people leading these crazy lives, then coming to Jesus and living for Him with a passionate love that’s so evident about them, I am nothing short of inspired! We see this enthusiasm in converts because they are finally experiencing union with Christ after a life of solitude. They are experiencing a spiritual high, and we get to witness and experience it with them. What a beautiful thing. It’s easy for those of us who have been Christian our entire lives to feel jaded and unaffected by the high because we’ve been exposed to it for so long. We’re so used to Christ’s presence that we begin take it for granted and forget the weight of what it means to literally be wholly united to Him after receiving His very body, blood, soul, and divinity in the Eucharist. The new converts who are just now being invited to this holy banquet are so eager to be there that it revives the appetite of those of us who have been sitting at the table for forever. While the zeal of converts inspires a new fire in longtime Christians, the discipline of long time Christians inspires the new Christians. It’s easy to have passion when something is new, but what happens when that high wears off? When the inevitable trials and persecution of being a Christian comes, and the high is gone, its the experience of those life-long Christians along with the guidance of the Holy Spirit that aids in the walk with our friends. When that honeymoon phase its over, when they need to establish actual routine and discipline to pray, when loving the Lord no longer feels good or is convenient, we can be there to help show them and guide them how to remain steadfast in faith because the Lord has been showing us everyday all of our lives what a steadfast relationship should look like.
The contrast of testimonies you may find in the people around you should inspire an awe of the Lord within you! Comparison kills that awe and wonder of the Lord. It is a tactic straight from the devil and he tries to rope you into it because all he ever does and can do is compare his tiny pitchfork to the vast and mighty armies of the all-powerful God. So, do I actually wish I had it harder? HECK NO. I am so blessed and though my testimony doesn’t necessarily demonstrate the vast power and possessive protection God feels for us, it does demonstrate His gentle, merciful, and unapologetic love He has us. Each testimony reveals a different characteristic and attribute of God. It may not reveal all off them at once, but that is where the beauty of church community comes in, its an amalgamation of all of Gods attributes and works coming together to sing “behold what the Lord has done” all in different voices and shouts of praise. If we all had the same song for our God, what boring worship that would be.
Here are some verses to reflect on if you find yourself ever struggling with comparison:
Galatians 6:4-5 “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
2 Corinthians 10:12 “When they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.”
James 3:14–16 “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast... For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”
Proverbs 14:30 “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”
Psalm 37:1-3 “Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither… Trust in the Lord and do good.”
Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Psalm 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
1 Corinthians 12:14-18 “The body does not consist of one member but of many... But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.”
Philippians 4:11-13 “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content… I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.”
Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…”
With Heart, Ellie